Mind Ramblings and Hopefully Gracious Defeat.

It's not always what people think that they want, it's frequently what people actually need. For example- I do not want to study. I have very little motivation other than the fact that if I do not indeed study, I will regret it most profusely and will not be a happy camper once I receive my grades. I must remember though, that it is important for me to stay grounded in the fact that I am going to become a nurse to help others and not myself. I only need the marks for a little while and then nothing school-wise matters anymore.

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Things have been hard - really hard - between my own body giving me grief, to family issues, to issues with my friends that really cut and bleed me. But still, my affirmation lies with the hope that I will be given the strength and opportunity to hopefully patch relationships up given time, that I can continuously rely on my external family (i.e. thank you for the phone call D.P. You really help, every time.) and that Jesus really is my best friend.

If he is more of a friend to me than the 4 guys who have helped me struggle over the past 3 weeks, then I am blessed beyond all belief. I can look at the coming day and not murmur but confidently say 'Bring it on', then they have done a good work.

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Okay. The end is nigh- the study schedule starts now. I can see the end- I will run and not grow weary, I will book it and pray not to faint. I won't let orthostatic hypotension get the best of me, I will be able to walk again, I will strive to beat that time, I will aim for a moment of solitude where I will fully surrender like nothing before, I will ask for forgiveness, I will pray continuously, I will praise you in the pain, I will lift up my eyes to the growing sunlight, I will try to be the best that I can, I will hope to strengthen my heart, I will remember why I am here- I will love. 

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I will always care about you because of who you are to me. Yes, you.