Rumination is such a great word...
It may seem cliché to do a recap on the circumstances that 2010 has brought, as so many other people seem to write such things during the December/January month transition, but I really couldn't find a better way to end off my year.
2010 has been so eye-opening and through talking to a friend a few days ago, I have remembered and been re-exposed to the amazing magnitude to how I have grown... not only psychologically, emotionally and intellectually, but also in my faith.
Being a student, you are always subjected to the stresses of school... as the exams and copious readings are really, truly horrible. You gotta take it to the bigger picture though: when compared to the other events that may happen in life, things such as death, operations and leaving one's job, it's amazing what you can do with a support system and some faith.
2010 was trying - there were many really difficult hurdles that I had to attempt to somehow leap over and each one seemed to get higher and higher as soon as I completed each. Do you know how frustrating that is when you're just trying to do things right?
Have you ever had that happen to you? You try so hard to be a 'good person'... to try and meet all the standards in life with an acceptable achievement score but always seem to miss that mark?
My year started out in BC. I did the typical New Year's resolution thing: to become stronger at the gym, to read more books, to spend more time with God, but my short break was cut even shorter as we got a call from my neighbour saying that my grandfather was admitted to hospital.
Though everyone was hoping there would be some medical miracle, short of indeed one of said miracles and the almighty hand and breath of God, there was no way that my grandfather was going to make it -- cancer riddled his body with lesions and polluted his blood with infection. He was losing his firm grip on life and was ever so reluctant to let go.
As we expected, he did indeed die, but I was forced to rely on God, the ultimate support system as things were too hectic to have a solid conversation with the people I held close to me... after all, I did leave for Scotland a week later.
Once getting back from Scotland, I was filled with such a desire and passion to just pack my bags and move right over to the wonderful United Kingdom - God is doing so many amazing things that I felt it was a waste to sit here and do schoolwork when there were people to talk to, events to start up and to find the parts of my life that had to be changed. Don't get me wrong - my life was changed on project in Glasgow... but God had it as a taste for me to see his true glory and glimpse the fruits of the mission labours. What I really didn't seem to get though was that there was so much more that I needed to learn in Canada first.
God doesn't fling you out into situations that you won't be able to handle.
And I'm glad that I didn't drop out of school and move right on over because I would have missed so much that happened here. Not to mention that I had to get a rather substantial kick in the backside to change my view from parts of my life to change, to parts of other's lives to change. I know that the sounds sort of typical: I can just see a 15-year-old trend-setter/tree-hugger standing up in her little pop can shoes, shrieking out that there are hundreds of dolphins getting stuck in plastic bits... and while this is a big deal, it still sounds stereotypical, no? But, I still have a hard time believing that I can do substantial things as one person with the phenomenal aid of God, but really... isn''t that what faith ultimately has us do? To believe in a God that we cannot see, believe we have the ability to do remarkable things such as move mountains and heal the maladies in people.
I'm still trying to put that together - but I know that with time, it will become more of a truth than it has now. I have been shown the phenomenal and (though it seems unfair to me) incredibly just love of God. I have seen how he wants us to go to the sick and to the poor and to the lives of stressed university students and maybe hand out free rice krispie squares: I can see that there would be his love pouring out through that, but for the longest time before this week, it would always somehow seem to slip through my fingers.
Like I said, I gave it a good effort just to be good, to just follow the rules and blend in, but what I have seen within myself over the past few days is that good just isn't good enough.
God doesn't just want this lame level of good, he want the best. He promised the best for his people... but that doesn't mean a cake walk every day. He promised us that he would give his best in staying true to us, staying the faithful father, the always present redeemer.
We do go through crap ... my grandfather dying wasn't fun, but who I became after that was what made me thank the Lord for his faithfulness through that trial. Through exams. Through getting speeding tickets.
I have seen more and more of God this year than before, I have seen more and more of his comfort and his support because of the miracles he performs, the situations he comes through in and the pillar that I am always able to lean on.
2010 has been so eye-opening and through talking to a friend a few days ago, I have remembered and been re-exposed to the amazing magnitude to how I have grown... not only psychologically, emotionally and intellectually, but also in my faith.
Being a student, you are always subjected to the stresses of school... as the exams and copious readings are really, truly horrible. You gotta take it to the bigger picture though: when compared to the other events that may happen in life, things such as death, operations and leaving one's job, it's amazing what you can do with a support system and some faith.
2010 was trying - there were many really difficult hurdles that I had to attempt to somehow leap over and each one seemed to get higher and higher as soon as I completed each. Do you know how frustrating that is when you're just trying to do things right?
Have you ever had that happen to you? You try so hard to be a 'good person'... to try and meet all the standards in life with an acceptable achievement score but always seem to miss that mark?
My year started out in BC. I did the typical New Year's resolution thing: to become stronger at the gym, to read more books, to spend more time with God, but my short break was cut even shorter as we got a call from my neighbour saying that my grandfather was admitted to hospital.
Though everyone was hoping there would be some medical miracle, short of indeed one of said miracles and the almighty hand and breath of God, there was no way that my grandfather was going to make it -- cancer riddled his body with lesions and polluted his blood with infection. He was losing his firm grip on life and was ever so reluctant to let go.
As we expected, he did indeed die, but I was forced to rely on God, the ultimate support system as things were too hectic to have a solid conversation with the people I held close to me... after all, I did leave for Scotland a week later.
Once getting back from Scotland, I was filled with such a desire and passion to just pack my bags and move right over to the wonderful United Kingdom - God is doing so many amazing things that I felt it was a waste to sit here and do schoolwork when there were people to talk to, events to start up and to find the parts of my life that had to be changed. Don't get me wrong - my life was changed on project in Glasgow... but God had it as a taste for me to see his true glory and glimpse the fruits of the mission labours. What I really didn't seem to get though was that there was so much more that I needed to learn in Canada first.
God doesn't fling you out into situations that you won't be able to handle.
And I'm glad that I didn't drop out of school and move right on over because I would have missed so much that happened here. Not to mention that I had to get a rather substantial kick in the backside to change my view from parts of my life to change, to parts of other's lives to change. I know that the sounds sort of typical: I can just see a 15-year-old trend-setter/tree-hugger standing up in her little pop can shoes, shrieking out that there are hundreds of dolphins getting stuck in plastic bits... and while this is a big deal, it still sounds stereotypical, no? But, I still have a hard time believing that I can do substantial things as one person with the phenomenal aid of God, but really... isn''t that what faith ultimately has us do? To believe in a God that we cannot see, believe we have the ability to do remarkable things such as move mountains and heal the maladies in people.
I'm still trying to put that together - but I know that with time, it will become more of a truth than it has now. I have been shown the phenomenal and (though it seems unfair to me) incredibly just love of God. I have seen how he wants us to go to the sick and to the poor and to the lives of stressed university students and maybe hand out free rice krispie squares: I can see that there would be his love pouring out through that, but for the longest time before this week, it would always somehow seem to slip through my fingers.
Like I said, I gave it a good effort just to be good, to just follow the rules and blend in, but what I have seen within myself over the past few days is that good just isn't good enough.
God doesn't just want this lame level of good, he want the best. He promised the best for his people... but that doesn't mean a cake walk every day. He promised us that he would give his best in staying true to us, staying the faithful father, the always present redeemer.
We do go through crap ... my grandfather dying wasn't fun, but who I became after that was what made me thank the Lord for his faithfulness through that trial. Through exams. Through getting speeding tickets.
I have seen more and more of God this year than before, I have seen more and more of his comfort and his support because of the miracles he performs, the situations he comes through in and the pillar that I am always able to lean on.
I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands,
Lay back against you and breathe, it's overwhelming.
I have found why good isn't enough. I have found why I should be better. I have found a motivation for it. Have you?
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