Motion. And cessation. And twirling thoughts.
It's interesting, isn't it? Ways of life?
She gets so confident in situations in which one would think that they have a prospect and with little letters all strung together, it's hard to determine if it is a reality worth pursuing.
She's drawn back into herself with brick and mortar in a wheelbarrow beside. She looks at it pensive, reflective and think back to how easy it is to simply hem oneself in with nothing to stare at but the rough backside of the encasing. Struck down, no but definitely unconsciously knocked into place of remembered humility. Confidence? That nasty voice says in her ear. You should have no such thing. But where will this get her?
She's played brick layer far too often. Setting up barricades won't truly solve any problems but at the same time, it definitely contributes to a sense of safety and security that one doesn't have when sitting exposed.
But how is that even remotely associated with taking risks? Isn't that what the whole point is? Living in the moment, yes. Acting spontaneously, yes. Opening oneself to let others peer inside and see the good things, maybe, but the darkness also?
Everyone is broken. Some more than others. Some let Him heal and others latch on to their pain and never let go. Think of the latter two (of healing and clinging) as if on a spectrum - and she notes that she is definitely closer to the former than the latter. It's still a marvel how some pesky details seem to stick to the skin not unlike leeches: sucking the life force out drop by hesitant drop.
Holding on to the hope that truly something might happen - that a reality such as this has not presented itself in ages. What if one was to seize this opportunity?
But then she is back to square one, learning to take steps and measures to ensure a backwards pace until some sort of directive is seen. The horrible, gut wrenching thoughts that then cross her mind is what if you are disregarded for another in whom you do not believe would be ... or deemed ... right? It's the dark, malicious little voice again.
But everyone needs to make decisions on their own, she could not be the sole dictator... or any dictator for that matter. It doesn't mean she would relish the decision as this (she felt) was the closest she has come yet.
Of course more time is needed, how daft would one have to be to leap head first into something not fully understood... but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to.
Understanding is step one with a rather unfortunate set-back of moving backwards. Step two cannot be determined until or even IF step one becomes completed.
Thank you for the intelligence.
She gets so confident in situations in which one would think that they have a prospect and with little letters all strung together, it's hard to determine if it is a reality worth pursuing.
She's drawn back into herself with brick and mortar in a wheelbarrow beside. She looks at it pensive, reflective and think back to how easy it is to simply hem oneself in with nothing to stare at but the rough backside of the encasing. Struck down, no but definitely unconsciously knocked into place of remembered humility. Confidence? That nasty voice says in her ear. You should have no such thing. But where will this get her?
She's played brick layer far too often. Setting up barricades won't truly solve any problems but at the same time, it definitely contributes to a sense of safety and security that one doesn't have when sitting exposed.
But how is that even remotely associated with taking risks? Isn't that what the whole point is? Living in the moment, yes. Acting spontaneously, yes. Opening oneself to let others peer inside and see the good things, maybe, but the darkness also?
Everyone is broken. Some more than others. Some let Him heal and others latch on to their pain and never let go. Think of the latter two (of healing and clinging) as if on a spectrum - and she notes that she is definitely closer to the former than the latter. It's still a marvel how some pesky details seem to stick to the skin not unlike leeches: sucking the life force out drop by hesitant drop.
Holding on to the hope that truly something might happen - that a reality such as this has not presented itself in ages. What if one was to seize this opportunity?
But then she is back to square one, learning to take steps and measures to ensure a backwards pace until some sort of directive is seen. The horrible, gut wrenching thoughts that then cross her mind is what if you are disregarded for another in whom you do not believe would be ... or deemed ... right? It's the dark, malicious little voice again.
But everyone needs to make decisions on their own, she could not be the sole dictator... or any dictator for that matter. It doesn't mean she would relish the decision as this (she felt) was the closest she has come yet.
Of course more time is needed, how daft would one have to be to leap head first into something not fully understood... but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to.
Understanding is step one with a rather unfortunate set-back of moving backwards. Step two cannot be determined until or even IF step one becomes completed.
Thank you for the intelligence.
Comments
Post a Comment
Thank-you for the feedback!