Unexpected Outcomes

I'm sure you know the song - Hosanna from Hillsong United has graced many a church's worship set and has undoubtably made an impact... but I have come to realize that by praying through these lyrics, Jesus is doing something pretty crazy in me and I wasn't expecting it.

But how vexing is that? To ask for something and not expect to receive it, especially when it comes to such a request such as this...

James 1:5-8 says it rather bluntly:

If any of you needs wisdom to know what you should do, you should ask God, and He will give it to you. God is generous to everyone and doesn't find fault with them. When you ask for something, don't have any doubts. A person who has doubts is like a wave that is blown by the wind and tossed by the sea. A person who has doubts shouldn't expect to receive anything from the Lord. A person who has doubts is thinking about two different things at the same time and can't make up his mind about anything.

So in a nutshell, ask and ye shall receive. Go figure, the Bible repeats the same concept several times (of course you can't ask for requests like 'Lord, give me a pony' - these things have to be in accordance to what He's concocting and how it'll fit into His rather fantastic plan...).

To the point though. Whenever I sing this song, I'm drawn to the bridge:

Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen,

Show me how to love like You have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks yours, 

Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause as I go from earth in to eternity. 

The two middle lines especially really hit me hard each time they present within the song, and frequently have used them in prayer.

Show me how to love like You have loved me

We are called to love others - especially those who hurt us, and to live to serve first Jesus and walk the Great Commission, and secondly others around us. But it's rough. We are called to love those who pulled our hair in elementary or who laughed at us when we bumped our head on the monkey bars and nearly had a concussion or who had poked fun at our clothing and called us rather painful names. It's not fun, nor does it seem fair, but He came to love people and if I am pursuing the heart of Jesus, I need to do the same.

Those who cut me off in traffic, who talk incessantly in class, who key my car, who egg my house, who poke fun at sensitive issues (my car and house are fine by the way).

Yes, show me Jesus, how to love them (those who make me want to cry) like You have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

This one is hard. As I mentioned earlier, if I am seeking after the heart of Jesus, this is something that I need to desire. But who honestly enjoys feeling broken and raw and in pain for the hurts of others in this world?

I despise injustice towards freedom. I hate human trafficking with my heart and soul and strength (though it is not much). It breaks me apart and when I see images or hear stories of instances where trafficking occurs, my heart stretches further apart and feels like it is tearing at the seams.

A few months ago I did a visual representation in a nursing class on sexual exploitation. In order to understand the weight of this project and the dire need that I wanted to portray, I googled sexual exploitation. Now, before you go 'Oh man, bad decision', it was one of the more insightful things I have ever done.

It opened my eyes to a world that I am blind to as a middle-to-upper class Canadian. What I saw though was a hand-drawn image, more specifically a cartoon of a layout of a 'massage parlour' with men and girls all explicitly drawn in. Please don't google it, unless you want to feel that heart pulling and ripping feeling.

I remember looking through that picture for probably five minutes, feeling myself stretch further and further apart and I had to close the window and then my laptop.

I remember going to my bed, curling up in my blanket and crying for what felt like hours. Not just the petty little tears but deep, heaving, gut wrenching sobs that stemmed from deep in my core. How could this happen? Why did this happen? Why wasn't God doing anything about it?

And I was reminded of what a speaker who works with International Justice Mission said: God is indeed doing something about it - He is sending us. Whether or not we respond to that sending is our fault as to why nothing is happening.

I don't like feeling so torn but if I am seeking the heart of Jesus, I had better expect to be flooded with the love for others that I am asking for as well as the heart-breaking issues, situations and realities that swamp our earth today.

How can I pray for these things and not expect an outcome?

And as I witness this outcome, I grow to feel peace despite this pain... for He who began a good work is carrying it on to completion (Philippians 1:6).

I pray for change, I see change, I ask for help, and I move to make change. This is my mandate, this is my calling.

This is the outcome.