Ponder

I found this while taking a study break - it got some laughs out of me!

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Did you ever stop and wonder...

-Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

-Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

-Why toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

-Why there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

-Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

-Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

-Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

-Why you have to click on "Start" to stop 'Windows'?

-Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

-Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?

-Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

-Why people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

-Why your Obstetrician or Gynaecologist leaves the room when you get undressed - if they are going to look up there anyway?

-Why Goofy stands erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

-Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

-Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

-Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

-Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

-If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?

-Why they call the airport "a terminal" if flying is supposedly so safe?

-Who the first first person was to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

-Who the first person was that said, "See that chicken there, I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum?"

-Why the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, but can't he fix a hole in a boat?

-If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

-What do you call male ballerinas?

-If blind people can see their dreams? Do they dream??

-That if Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

-If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

-If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

-If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

-Why the "Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?

-Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

-Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?

-Why it is when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

-How come we put a man on the moon before realising it would be a good idea to put wheels on suitcases?

-Why brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells are forever?

-How important someone has to be before they can be 'assassinated' rather than just plain 'murdered'?

-How come "phonetically" is spelt with a "ph"?

-Why a round pizza gets delivered in a square box?

-Why people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

-When you get to heaven / paradise / nirvana, are you stuck wearing whatever you were buried or cremated in forever?

-Why people say they "slept like a baby", when babies normally wake up every two hours?

-Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

-How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

-What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag?

-Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet?

-Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

-Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

-Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

-Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

-Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

-How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

-Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

-Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

-If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

-Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

-What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

-Why don't women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

-Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

-If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

-If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

-How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?